Thursday, April 19, 2007
always a loser
i m not chosen into the bball team. i expected it quite a long time ago, when many of the rv j1s came in. i thought i made enough mental preparation, bt i guessed i did not. i tried to tell myself that it was alright, since i tried my best. bt the thing is that i tried my best and still did not make it. that makes me a big loser. ppl wld say that its alright if u tried your best, bt i tink thats wat ppl say to console losers. no matter hw much effort i put in, it all comes to a naught. i suffered a hell lot, pushing myself to the limits, many a times vomitted and cramps, bt all my effort and time spent doesnt count. tis really sucks, bt it is a very real and important lesson that i have learnt. results still overweighs effort, even though the politically correct answer that many people would say is the reverse.
i felt very sad that day. so much that i didnt have mood for anything. i was left alone to let my thoughts wander. i hoped someone cld talk to me, bt it didnt happen. the more i think, the worse i would get. i felt so sad because i really liked the team, and wanted to be part of it. initially when i started last year, i didnt feel anything for njbball. bt as time goes by, the feelings sort of grown. bt there is nothin i can do nw, except cheer and support them.
i guess i sort of stick more wif guanhoe nw during bball, cos he is in the same situation as me, and he wld understand hw i feel. sham still wants me to go for trng. i dont noe if that is wise or nt. guanhoe asked me a question that day. y do i still go for trngs? i told him that day tt probably its for the testimonials, cos sham said tt he wld help us write in our testimonial that we played for njbball. bt nw, i feel differently. y do i want something that i didnt work for n dont deserve? so nw, i really dont noe y do i go trngs for alrdy. i was racking my brains really hard today during trng, bt still canot think of an answer. i asked gh y does he still come for trng. he told me we still have to play for the sunday league. bt i dont really agree wif that. shams wants those who did nt make the team to play for the sunday league, which is only 7 people. bt i really dont think that is a wise choice. he doesnt really think that the sunday league is important, since he forfeited a few games b4. i guess we r nt tt important, thats y we play the sunday league. anyway, goin for trng is quite stupid too. during trng, mostly wld b those who made the team who plays. i also dont really wanna play during trng, cos i tink the j1s shld play more to gain more experience. so i guess i go to trng juz to satisfy sham ba.
anyway, nj wld b playin their 1st game tml against mi. hope they win. even though i didnt make the team, i still hope for the best for them. shams says he wants every1 to go n receive prize if we do win anything. bt i really dont wanna take credit for something that i did not do. ya. go njbball!! thrash mi tml!!
iduntellu at 8:58 PM