Sunday, January 17, 2010
ORD
After 2 years of imprisonment, i have finally regained my freedom. Though army did not lock me up physically, it still made me feel like i am bonded, that i am liable to follow its rules and regulations, and be at the becking of my superior. That they could crush me if i incur their wrath. I did not like that feeling. On my release date, i just wanted to get out of that place fast, get away from where i was not in control.
There were many ups and downs through out these 2 years, which i would not explicitly state. If i were to represent it on a chart, it would have plunged right from the start, but manage to regain the loss, and end off higher, an overall bullish chart.
Well, its time to stop procrastinating. I am in control of my life now. There would be no more excuses for not accomplishing what i want to do. I had used army as an excuse, a shelter, somewhere i could seek refuge from my inner desire to succeed. Now, there is no where else to hide. I am not going to remind myself that college can be an excuse. It will not be. I must do, not just think.
iduntellu at 10:22 PM
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Looking forward
It ended just like that. Three hundred and sixty-five days gone, just like that, yet none for the better for me. Well, how can that be? When you have been working your ass off trying to earn some future tuition fees. Reading voraciously, trying to upsize your limited knowledge. Paying more attention to people around you, listening to them, and treating them better?
Well, that was all about it.
I like to look at myself as a pessimist. A skeptist(not yet a cynic) who doubts what is infront of him. Someone who would think that a half filled glass is still half empty. But, silently hope that things would get better. I need my sunshine. Someone who will make a rainbow after a pour. A light that would illuminate the darkness and chase the gloom away. That is primo on the list.
About the have-naughts, a year of irregular diet and late dinner has made a belly out of my tummy. Well, its not just the food, cause if it was just that, i would be a fatboy way long ago. The absence of cardiovascular activities has caused all the carbo intake to pile up. No more trainings, nor casual sports activities after school. Burning of fats would have to come with the intent, and i would better have the resolve to get myself down to work.
I am not a greedy man. Three i hope, would be manageable. Por ultimo, and the most cliche of all. I guess, for the past year, i hadnt been unhappy. No more emoing, thats so school boy. The people around me, they had been a great bunch. Its much less stressful when they are not your peer, your competitors, but genuine friends. Or maybe its the perception, you rub my back, i rub yours. I see things in a different light, i hope. It wouldnt be a race to the bottom. Let me be happy(or less pessimistic).
2010 will be a better year.
iduntellu at 10:30 PM
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
choices and hindsight
Rational people make choices by affixing their current circumstances to the options available. The actual process is actually quite simple. You make something fit into A, and imagine the product to be C, when all along, it is a B. People try to convince themselves on hindsight that their decisions are correct and justifiable at the point they made the decision. Few do admit their incapacity in making the right decision, and leverage on hindsight to vindicate themselves.
Just some thoughts on choices and hindsight.
iduntellu at 8:41 PM
Sunday, May 24, 2009
rantings
For the umpteenth time, i so dislike this hierarchy in the organisation. In this self-proclaimed meritocratic nation of ours, sad to say that the organisation is not. People in power do not have the capability of carrying out their responsibilities. But in many instances, the job gets done, because another person, someone inconsequential, yet important, does all the shit, so that the whole sequence can flow through. But, he is still disregarded, and neglected. It would be great if one day, this fry suddenly goes away. It would be interesting to observe what would happen to people with responsibilities. Seven more months.
Then again, they would find somebody else to help them do their shit.
iduntellu at 9:57 PM
Friday, May 15, 2009
Dreams from my father
Reading this made me rethink, what was all those big words about changing the world(what a weird revelation from this book). Do i really know what they mean? Or am i after some personal gains, yet hide it under the pretext of an altruistic notion. Stop deluding your self. It is about YOU. Not about the bigger house your parents and offspring can stay in. Not about the luxuries your future spouse can expend, or about the prestige of having successful parents for your kids you so long for, but about your desire to prove people wrong, to show them that you are better than what they thought you would be. To be somebody.
I admit, i want to grab money, not because of the fetish for the smell of rolls and rolls or notes or the googol number on the bank book, but that it would be the best barometer of success in our increasingly capitalistically skewed world. And the excesses which was built up the past few years (bubble which burst last fall) showed me the best way to achieve that goal. Being one of those fat cats.
I don't want to carry on thinking i am doing all these for a greater good, for some ideal which was vaguely existent. Being the fervent capitalist, this incentive would i hope, for the selfish me, spur me to work my socks off in varsity. Now i know what i am studying for.
iduntellu at 10:37 PM
Saturday, April 04, 2009
The Audacity of Hope
I have just finish The Audacity of Hope by the president of the United States. It is the first book i bought in quite a long time. I've gotten it shortly after his win, as i caught the obamamania which was rampant at that point of time. Everyone just wanted to get a piece of him. But i didn't really have any time to read it as i was burdened with the books i borrowed from the library. You had to finish the books from the library first, as there was a dateline for you to return them.
I felt that he was sincere and honest in his writing. He was clear and concise in his putting his thoughts to pen, something i am still grasping. Someday, i do want to be able to bring about my ideas as fluently as this man. There was a phrase, which he quoted from Benjamin Franklin, that i like very much, "I would rather have it said, He lived usefully, than, He died rich." The importance of one's life is not the amount he would have in his bank at his deathbed, but the work he did before he could do no more.
iduntellu at 11:18 PM
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A dream
I have been thinking, what do i want in life. I am probably 25% past it, based on the average life expectancy. And certainly, its time to make decisions on how to spend the rest of it.
There are many ways to live a life. Some people make laws, others break them. Some people make things, some others save lives. Some teach, some write, some cook. While some don't really do much. At this point of time, i have a rough idea of what do i want to do. Its something like a facilitator, who puts the resources to where they can be fully optimised.
You could probably make a whole lot from doing this, but that is not really what is luring me to it. Rather, its the status in the society, and the respect you get from others. People would take you into consideration before doing anything. You can have a say in how things are being done. It would be simply called "power".
And if i do get this "power", i would help make the world we live in a better place, not just for us to enjoy, but for the many generations to come. You can call this "responsibility". People who are in power fail to be responsible to the world that we live in. I want to come in to make things right.
These will sound far-fetched and quixotic. But hey! I am not in it just for the money. People in this profession have really made a mess out of our world, and i do want to do my part to ensure the ongoing turmoil will not happen again.
iduntellu at 11:27 PM